I think that we “light workers” teach our own toughest lessons. I want to share one of my tough but terrific lessons with you. I want to talk about memories and resistance.
Let me start by saying that the only reason we have memories at all is because we have an emotional charge attached to them. Either they are good memories or bad memories. If you were neutral to them they wouldn’t exist. Resistance has seemed to be the topic of my life lately. As Jung put it “what you resist persists”. So I’ve been looking at some of my less than happy memories because I have had enough of being subject to them. These are the ones that make my stomach hurt because I have a lot of guilt and self judgment attached to them. But the idea here is to have the stomach ache and really look at the memory- no matter how painful it is.
In the past when these memories surfaced I would do my best to talk myself out them. Push them away. I’d tell myself that it was a long time ago, that I’ve grown since then, that I would never do that now, etc. This is true. But later on when the memory surfaced again I’d go through the same emotional and physical discomfort because I hadn’t dealt with it. I had only resisted it and pushed it back into its deep dark hiding place hoping it would disappear. I realized that until I brought it into the light and, in some cases, literally relived it I would be a prisoner to it for the rest of my life. They may never go away but if they lose their emotional charge who cares? It is so empowering to be totally neutral to these memories.
I used the exercise of seeing the emotion I was feeling, such as guilt, embarrassment, anger. I visualize the emotion in the palm of my hand with my arm outstretched, acknowledging the physical discomfort but just “having it”. I would be right there with it, give it the attention it had been screaming for and then feel the emotion finally fall away from it. Of course, included in this is taking responsibility for the situation and finally forgiving myself and anyone else involved so that they could let go. If you don’t forgive someone it’s kind of like strapping them to your leg. If you don’t forgive yourself the memory will keep coming up with all the fun stuff that is attached to it. That’s just how it is.
This visualization exercise is a life saver. You can use it for anything that comes up. It helps you deal effectively with present time emotions you are trying to talk yourself out of as well as things from the past. The first step is to be ok with being human and feeling bad or sad or however you feel and just experiencing that feeling without judging yourself for having it. Then by seeing it in your hand away from your body you can say “I see fear. This is what it looks like”. You can then see fear but not be afraid. It is outside of you rather than inside of you controlling you and your emotions. All it wants is to be seen. Now it can release because you have brought it into the light and named it. And now you can be free.